…and Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself.

If you haven’t seen this running joke on social media…or even the mainstream news…then it’s time to get your tickets and get on board. The conspiracy train is leaving on a one way trip to Epstein station. We’re not going to spend time rehashing the story from the beginning, you can go out and catch up on your own. Go ahead, go and read.

Now, let’s take a quick look at some of the more recent events that continue to prove this is utter trash.


ABC News sat on the story for over three years: ABC’s Amy Robach, by way of exposure by Project Veritas, admitted that ABC execs ordered the story killed because “no one knows who he [Epstein] is.” According to Robach they had information on Epstein’s child sex ring, the Clintons, and even had a previous Epstein accuser/victim ready to come forward. Call me crazy but–that sounds like ratings, and anything attached to the Clintons would get instant recognition. From allegiances w/ high ranking officials to potential threats from UK Royalty–there’s no lack of evidence pointing to ABC pulling the story and leaving more women at the mercy of Epstein and his associates…all for the sake of saving their own asses.

An independent pathologist, hired by Epstein’s family, found that Epstein’s injuries were consistent with a homicide, not a suicide: Michael Baden, a former New York Chief Medical Examiner and witness in high profile cases including OJ Simpson’s trial, called Epstein’s death into question due to three fractures of Epstein’s hyoid bone and thyroid cartilage. These injuries, says Baden, are more indicative of homicidal strangulation than suicide.

There is disagreement, however from…you guessed it…New York’s current Chief Medical Examiner, Barbara Sampson. Given all of the other circumstances–the guards who were ‘overworked’ and not paying attention, the cameras that magically didn’t capture anything, the fact that he wasn’t on suicide watch–is anyone surprised that she’s pushing the ‘it was just a suicide, nothing to see here’ narrative?

‘Epstein’s not dead’ theory: Shortly after the Epstein ‘suicide’ some followers donned their tin foil hats and put forward a rather unbelievable theory…that Epstein was alive, his death was staged, and the body in the pictures was not him. There was little to no hard evidence to back these claims up other than pixelated images analyzed by ear experts (not really). But as the plot thickens and more of the wires in this levitating act become visible–claims like this no longer seem quite as far fetched.


While many continue to make light of the laughable situation that the Epstein debacle has become, there is no denying that fewer and fewer people are buying the ‘hung himself from the top bunk’ tale. While he was a disgusting monster–it’s hard to believe the Jeffrey Epstein wasn’t smart enough to understand how hanging works. For those who aren’t aware–suicide, or execution, by hanging is not intended to strangle the victim to death; instead, the noose and the force of the fall are designed to break the victim’s neck, killing them immediately. It’s a balancing act, however, between too much force (which pulls the head clean off) and too little force (which doesn’t break the neck and causes an inconvenient case of strangulation). Here’s an always trustworthy Wikipedia article that discusses the practice of hanging in detail.

While we can’t say for certain what is real…the evidence and series of events surrounding it all definitely call the ‘suicide’ explanation into question. I personally wish the ‘faked death’ scenario was real, if only to preserve the chance that *all* involved heads would roll.

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